Then another. She also remained unmoved, though she had still not said a word to me. As the train pulled in to the next station, we were again pushed closer by the crowd as more people tried to make their way in. Her skirt rode up slightly, and almost automatically I pulled my hand away and held it close to my side once again.The train continued on its journey and I could not move. I was worried about her reaction when we reached the end of the line and would be able to speak properly. But as I pondered this, I felt fingers at my wrist and my hand was gently guided back to her leg. Though her head had not moved, I looked down and saw that it was her fingers that had gently encircled my hand. When she had made sure that my hand was in its prior position - and that I was not going to move it - her fingers withdrew.What did that mean? Was this some form of tacit permission? Should I leave my hand there, or did she want more? I think I left my hand there without change for at. Believe me, my friends, relatives and Prince Charming have all raised these arguments and chastised me for being so selfish as not to see these truths for myself. The truth is that the children would not be mine. It would be me doing what I have always done: sending someone else’s child to school, helping someone else’s child with his or her homework, encouraging someone else’s child. The difference is that it would be my permanent responsibility to do so rather than the ad hoc way in which I interject into the lives of others at the moment. I have recognized that while I am willing to be kind to the children of others I am not willing to make the great sacrifices that I would be willing to make for my own children. There is bound to be someone who will get angry at my attitude about this and believe that I do not deserve to have a child if this is how I really regard them, my former Dom told me as much. I have seen my friends become livid at me, but the truth is that I do not.
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